Driven by pressure from recent horrific events to declare my gratitude for what I have, and also by the impending end of the world on Friday, I must take this opportunity to express my gratitude for my husband. It was eighteen years ago that my angsty 14 year old journal began to fill with references to Christophe. It was 1994, and I was watching a lot of Claire Danes in “My So-Called Life.” How fitting, then, that we now watch her in multi-hour viewing marathons of “Homeland” on DVD. Back in 1994, like most teenagers, I believed fervently that the whole world revolved around me. What a revelation it was, then, to discover that I somehow had come to place Christophe’s happiness ahead of my own. For he was not so taken with me as I was with him, and had his eye on some other chick. And then another. I had to wait a couple months.
I remember very clearly a night in December when I went to get a glass of milk during a commercial break in “My So-Called Life,” and as I did, I was stunned to realize that if he would be happier with someone else, then that’s what I wanted. Setting one’s ego aside? This was a lightning bolt from above.
Fortunately, it did not turn out that way, and the impending apocalypse on Friday falls on our 10th wedding anniversary. By January 1995, we could not be separated, and could not be rattled. We were like most teenage couples–overly intense, maudlin, and very cheesy. We communicated our mutual affection, at first, via intermediaries, in middle school fashion. We were fourteen; it’s what we knew. Looking at this picture, it’s hard for me to quite believe that we were so utterly certain so early. I didn’t even need glasses then–even my eyeballs weren’t fully grown. And yet, we weren’t wrong.
We did endure some mild mocking from our peers, about our future children and all that, but really very little. And looking back now, the adults around us, for the most part, seemed to accept us too. I was talking to one of our high school teachers a couple of years ago, joking about how ridiculous we must have seemed to them all. “No,” she told me. “We knew. We all knew you were in it for life.” Who knows what it was that they detected, but it’s still working. So, just as the purpose of a wedding is a public declaration of commitment before the world, this is my 10 year rededication. With gratitude to Christophe, and to everyone who held us up, even more than half our lifetimes ago, and who still holds us up today.