The following is a recommendation letter I wrote in response to a request from one of my students. I have changed the student’s name to protect her privacy. Let this serve as a lesson as to why one must choose one’s recommenders wisely. I told Christina that I doubted she would like what I had to say in my letter, but that I would send it if she wished. In one of her only wise actions of the semester, she declined.
Dear members of the admissions committee,
It is always a challenge to write a recommendation letter for a mediocre student. Fortunately, Christina is no mediocre student, and I write in full-throated opposition to her admission to your institution. I hesitated to write this letter, particularly because I received Christina’s request for it last night in an email reading, in its entirety, “So, I need a rec letter by tomorrow at 11am. Whatever you can do.” I thought about those lines, and indeed about what I could do, and decided to write.
Christina has made herself conspicuous in my class all semester. She is reliably fifteen to thirty minutes late. When she does arrive, it is with a great disruptive heaving of belongings, inexplicable switching off or on of the classroom lights, and several loud sighs. She frequently spends what time she is in class talking to classmates, though this is to be expected after she gave me fair warning during our first week: “I’m a total chatterbox; I just can’t shut up! So I’ll be the one in the back talking all the time.” She has delivered on this promise.
Christina suffers from a dangerously high level of self-esteem and a deep conviction that she is extremely cute and endearing in her foibles. She is also convinced that she is a very shrewd and keen student held back only by unfortunate circumstance. I maintain that Christina is an unfortunate circumstance.
I understand that she is applying to your veterinary technician program. When I consider that the life of the slenderest, quivering nematode might someday lie in her hands, I feel a compulsion to bar her entry to your buildings with my physical person.
I do not suffer fools gladly, and though I am writing this at 1am in order to meet Christina’s deadline in a scant few hours, I felt it my duty to provide this letter so that you might not need to suffer this particular fool at all.
Should you have any questions, I would be delighted to speak with you in further detail about Christina’s candidacy. I would find it deeply cathartic.
Sincerely,
Sarah Courchesne
Adjunct Instructor in Biology and Animal Science
Sarah, I *love* this.
Another Sarah teaching college students and fools.
Tee hee. Of course, a lot of my students are really great. Just not this one.
Best ever letter of non-recommendation I’ve ever seen. Hmmm…writing these kinds of letters for other teachers/guidance counselors/etc who are faced with the same dilemma could be the beginning of another cottage industry for you.
This one was particularly enjoyable to write.
I’ve worked with a lot of young people over the years and have had to train many of them, so I understand your letter perfectly. What I don’t understand is how these 20 somethings get this way. I have to ask myself if I was ever this way and the honest answer is-I don’t think so. How do you reach a point where you really believe that you are the center of the universe and have a right to disrupt other people’s lives so you can have your own way? All I can think of is, it must be the way they were raised. I’m so thankful that my kids aren’t like that!
I have been struggling with my tendency to be a cantankerous old coot before my time, ranting about “kids today” but this particular brand of bad behavior really does seem genuinely their own thing. And I am hardly much older, but I don’t remember seeing this in a lot of peers while I was in college and such. I guess we must have had our own set of faults. Of course, I didn’t.
Oh I had plenty of faults, but none that really impacted the lives of anyone else. I grew out of many of them and I guess maybe today’s young will have to do the same.
Love this, Dr. Courchesne 🙂
This is hilarious! I have been asked by students for letters of rec who have never come to office hours and with whom I have barely interacted. I don’t know what they think I can say and how this can possibly help them!
yes! It’s as if they think just having been registered for a class entitles them to some sort of glowing endorsement! Thanks for reading.
[…] all the students there, or view them through a soft focus lens of sentimentality. After all, Christina is a North Shore student. In my short time teaching there, I have had plenty of abject failures. […]
I love it. To the point!
Sarah,
I don’t know if you remember me from Exeter, but I just wanted to commend you on this magnificent letter. I’ve had the great pleasure of writing comment slips for students like this girl, but I don’t think any of my phrasing equaled your brilliance here. I absolutely love this.
Of COURSE I remember you! Thanks so much for reading this, and it’s lovely to hear from you!